A Tart Of Rice and a Fairy Tale
67The King's Address
Good morning beloved breakfastpoppers. Today is Friday, January 29th in the year of our Kingdom, 2010. It is once again time for the King's annual State of the Kingdom speech and we have all been summoned to the castle. Let us prepare a Tart of Rice and once it is done let's head over to the Castle Court. In order to prepare the tart you will need 3 cups of cooked rice, 3 egg yolks, 1/4 cup sugar, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, 1/2 teaspoon ginger, 3 tablespoons butter, 1/2 cup of orange juice and a tart crust. Stir butter and egg yolks into the hot rice and add sugar, cinnamon, ginger and orange juice. Pour into tart crust and bake in a 350 degree hearth until golden brown. Pack it up, bring a beverage, a blanket and some over ripe tomatoes. See you all in a bit.
Well, breakfastpoppers, what a large turnout. Of course the fact that our attendance is mandatory probably accounts for the crowd. Oh, here comes the King. It is required that we all rise and clap our hands until they are paralyzed. Smiling is mandatory as well, so let's do what is expected of us.
Welcome everyone, it is my privilege to tell you that all is well in the Kingdom and that I am doing a magnificent job. Please rise as one and start clapping. Thank you, you may be seated. Moving on, it is also my pleasure to tell you how lucky you are to have me in charge, considering the bad judgement of King George who preceded me. Please rise and start clapping. Thank you, you may be seated. I have made incredible progress this year in creating new jobs and saving old jobs and I am quite sure you are all grateful. Please rise and start clapping. Thank you, you may be seated. Our Kingdom was teetering on the brink of collapse, thanks to King George, but my skillful financial acumen saved the day. Please rise and start clapping. Thank you, you may be seated. I am calling for a renewed transparency in the Kingdom. I think we made excellent headway this past year in opening the doors and letting the sun shine on our efforts. I intend to keep the transparency alive and well. Please rise and start clapping. Thank you, you may be seated. I am going to forge ahead with the Kingdom's most unpopular health care reform bill and cap and trade legislation. I will never give up my quest to ram unpopular legislation down your throats. You can rest easy in the knowledge that I am doing this for your own good. If you were all just a bit smarter, perhaps you would understand what I am saying. Please rise and start clapping. Thank you, you may be seated. There is going to be a freeze on Kingdom spending at current levels which are the largest in history. Please rise and start clapping. Thank you, you may be seated. You can all sleep well tonight resting securely in the safe arms of your loving King who will protect you from harm by embracing our enemies. When terrorists knock on our door, we will invite them in and offer them a beverage. In return they will love us and go in peace. I intend to offer the middle class a break in the form of an extra cow and two goats per household. The fear of not having milk or goat cheese will be alleviated by your King and his court. I am quite sure I don't have to remind you to rise as one and clap. I would like to end my address on this upbeat note. So please, let's rise one last time and applaud me and all I have accomplished. Long live the King!
Breakfastpoppers, launch your tomatoes... Ready, aim...POP...
Ding dong the King is nuts
The king is nuts,
Ding dong the King is nuts
And he has gone astray!
The End.
Good morning Tom,
I am glad to see you are not prowling around sans pants scaring the ladies!!! Thanks for the funny article. Yes, instead of a chicken in every pot, we are getting milk and goat cheese. I'll see you later and we'll swap recipes.
BPOP-
2nd Verse
Ding Dong The King is Nuts
a Hiddy Ho Pelosi Reid
We'll make them go, we'll make them see,
Ding Dong The Indpendents Vote!
See ya at the Bar for the 3rd Verse!! Tom is Buying and I'm thirsty!!
Good morning pet hmr,
Let's sing this little ditty this evening at the bar. Did Tom volunteer to buy or did you just draft him? Either way, I'm in!
the most disgusting part was when they got up and started clapping after he had insulted Supreme Court. Looks like he needs some remedial courses in constitutional law, since he didn't quite understand, But, oh, I forgot, he does understand, but just thinks the sheeple don't. And I didn't even watch it, but I heard.
Hi Ho, Hi Ho off to the Inn I go
The king's a jerk with an ugly smirk
He's a shmo, a shmo
Oh oh hi ho, hi ho
he really is a schmuck
he has to go he has to go
he's such a stupid f......raud
I'm ready to go to the Inn. I'm bringing beef jerky. INNKEEPER............
POP: I think I heard this speech before - maybe two days ago. It's nice to live in fantasyland, isn't it?
I think all the breakfastpoppers will stand and applaud you - great job, as usual.
I'll see you at the bar later - I cannot wait for the 3rd verse - save me a seat...
Taxlarry: I'll be singing that little diddy all day.
Wow!
Good morning vrajavala,
That was significant low point in the evening, actually embarrassing and painful to watch.
Good morning taxlarry,
Hitting the jack a bit early are we? Hi ho, hi ho, away the King must go, Well vote him out and then we'll shout, Hi Ho, Hi ho, hi ho!!! Forget the beef jerky, bring some mozzarella sticks. See you later!
Good morning Pino,
Yes, it's the same old song and the same old tune. Why not write a verse and post it here? Everyone seems to be waxing a little poetic!
POP,
ah to know the true thoughts of Clinton, Reid, Pelosi etc. during one of these events would be enough amusement to close Disney Land. Do you think there is an ounce of respect amongst the lot of them? They are all power hungry with their own agendas, it can't be for the money because they will get that anyway, so I wonder what else drives them?
To the bar I heard Tom was buying......
Forget the mozzarella sticks. I am bringing beef jerky. Tastes like elk.
Good morning 50 caliber,
The only enjoyment I derive from watching these clowns is counting the number of times they blink, nod, nod off, yawn, clap, stand and snore! I think it's power that drives their engines. See you later, Tom is buying and taxlarry is bringing beef jerky that takes like elk!i
LOL breakfastpop
What a great way to start the morning. Looking forward to the new sarcasm omelette with goat cheese.
Thanks for a smile pop, please read the hub I will be publishing shortly. You will understand my brevity
Good morning Bail Up,
Milk and goat cheese omelette is on the way!
Good morning Sheri,
So glad you stopped by. I will await your hub. Hope all is well. Sheri, it has just come to my attention that I am not being notified when you write! The exact same thing happened to me and I contacted hubpages.
BPOP, You summed up the condescending attitude of the King quite well, and also the tyranny that is felt within his people. The King speaking to the Supreme Court in that manner was reprehensible but obviously whoever did raise him forgot his lessons on manners. The hub was fun and well done.
I'll have to try that jerky, it's a good trick if they can pull that off!LOL I heard they were installing urinals with barry's likeness in them at the bar, the sales pitch was people will drink more beer for the chance to piss on him.....
so Tom needs to bring a lot of cash to cover the extra sales.
Pop,
I must say that since I have been forced to limit my regular visits to the real Fantasyland (in the Magic Kingdom at Disney World) by the King’s policies, the substitute is much less amusing. As had become my habit I was going down to Walt’s place about 17 times per year, however since my job was one of those pesky other millions that was not saved, my entertainment budget is a tad more limited.
You must be able to imagine how enthused I was to be able to actually applaud something. So what if it was forced, at least I got some exercise, jumping up and down from my seat to clap on command. It was good for me because I’ve been sitting on my ass like another couple million lazy people whose jobs weren’t saved. The address was of great assistance to in aiding the upkeep of my News Years Resolutions.
You just cannot understand how excited I was to see the king simply wave his congressional wand and magically double our exports to the world, creating two million jobs from thin air. I swear I thought I was watching Cinderella’s fairy God Mother solve all the problems in the Kingdom and boy did I laugh and laugh.
I cannot wait until we go to Tomorrow Land, the place where all the people in the world walk hand in hand in the liberal dream of peace and harmony singing “It’s a Small World After All”
It’s a lib World after All
We know whats best for you all
Blindly follow us along
To Tomorrow land
Its a place of Harmony
There’s no need for acrimony
March along our path of change
It’s a Small, Small World
I prefer the real Mickey and the real Fantasyland. At least there I know the difference.
Dear Pamela,
When I stop and think about it, Obama's bashing of the Court is very typical of this man. He loves to treat our friends badly and embrace our enemies. When invited by a head of state to dinner, he goes out alone with his wife instead. He is an angry, bitter man, in my view.
Dear 50 caliber,
You are the "gift" that keeps on giving. See you later, I have to dry my eyes from all the laughter.
Dear ready,
It is Obama who lives in la-la land while we are the ones to face a reality that he has created purposely. I love your song and frankly, you should consider suggesting that Walt's people replace the current Small World ditty with yours. At least it's truthful. Great commentary, Ready. I hope you sell what you write because you are very talented.
Pop
I can envision one day in the not too distant future if this crowd manages somehow to hold onto power following the November elections where we will all be summoned to Washington for the State of the Glorious Republic Speech. He will be standing on a reviewing stand while the multitudes of admirers; us, march past him in kim jung il style! The band will be playing Hail to the Chief as we goose step with our heads turned towards the viewing stand to witness him in all his magnificence!
You must have been sitting where you had an unobstructed view of the Commicrat side of the isle; the rise as one and start clapping part. They have shamelessly all been clapping yes for his Marxist agenda thus far this past year and hopefully it will cost them dearly. Now the sign above the chamber should read Play the Baby Crying Track” Whaaaa-Whaaaa- King George who preceded left you in a lurch; Whaaa-Whaaa; I have made incredible progress this year in creating new jobs and saving old jobs ; WAIT WHO PUT THE laughter laugh track on? UNCONTROLABLE LAUGHTER RESOUNDING FROM THE REPUBLICAN SIDE HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-! Stop Stop King Hussein is screaming; Sergeant at arms arrest those insurrectionists; they are ruining my moment!
Order is restored and the King continues; Whaaaa-Whaaaa (baby crying sound track continues) Our Kingdom was teetering on the brink of collapse, thanks to King George, but my skillful financial acumen saved the day; again the Laughter Laugh track blast out HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA- HA-HA, STOP STOP THE KING IS SCREAMING I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS DISRESPECT FROM THE REPRESENTATIVES OF MY SUBJECTS. Guards round them up and throw them in the dungeon. At this point Princess Pelosi reminds the King they are on the national tele and his demeanor is quickly restored.
The King continues; I intend to keep the transparency alive and well: A LOUD AND RESOUNDING YOU LIE RINGS OUT, this time not from Joe Wilson but from the C-Span representative!
Suddenly a large portrait of Karl Marx is projected upon the wall behind the King unbeknownst to him as he continues; I am going to forge ahead with the Kingdom's most unpopular health care reform bill and cap and trade legislation. I will never give up my quest to ram unpopular legislation down your throats. You can rest easy in the knowledge that I am doing this for your own good. The King cannot understand why the unrest is coming from the left as he speaks; suddenly someone cries out look behind you King. He is appalled with outrage. I will not tolerate this. You Republican Bumpkins clinging to your Guns and Religion have mocked and ridiculed me for the last time. I’m going to decree the election in Massachusetts null and void and we will RAM THIS LEGISLATION THROUGH WITH OUR 60 VOTE MAJORITY.
With that the Republicans rise in unison and start singing to the tune of “Pants on the Ground” Nose in the Air-Nose in the Air You Look Like a Fool With Your Nose in the Air
Sorry Pop; I got a little off message here but you gave me such excellent material to turn this into a Shakespearean Play…..A Mid Winter Night’s Nightmare”
Pop,
You are always so kind, thank you. It's amazing to me that you shape the words in each hub you write as sharp as the talons of a raptor. Each hub rips at the heart of its prey and exposes the soft underbelly of deceit.
I figure by the time you completely decimate the victim, you should combine all of these strikes into a book titled “How to Effectively Tell the Truth and Save a Nation”
As usual well done!
TO 50 CALIBER...OK, it's artificial elk flavoring.
I clapped so hard I fell off the couch. Transparency, lol, lol, lol. Go Alito, clap, clap clap! It's Friday and there is no alcohol in the breakfast? Can't wait for the week-end spin. Nice job as always POP.
I think readytoescape has just conjured up the title for your book. Unfortunately I was drinking my coffee when I read 50 caliber's thoughts on urinals at the bar. I'm now wiping off my keyboard and desk.
Great hub, and thanks for the laughs!
Bravo Patriot, Bravo!
Your tale makes for an excellent screenplay or stage performance. It will require, however, a cast of thousands . Some will play arse kissers and some will be rebels. Think how many people will be employed, think how many extras you'll need and carpenters you'll need to build the sets and socialists you'll need to play themselves. It will be the show of shows and it will be magnificent. You have outdone yourself once more!
Gee ready,
First, I thought you made me sound like Hannibal Lecter, but now I am deeply flattered. I like the book idea, Ready. You should contemplate writing one too!
Good morning jiberish,
I'm sure they'll spin this speech to be the speech of the decade. Get the barf bags ready.
Good morning francine,
You are right I run with a dangerous crowd. You can easily choke to death while reading their great commentary. Thanks so much for coming to breakfast.
A progressive rant disguised as a SOTU address...What does " don't ask, don't tell " or the putting down of the Supreme Court have to do with the SOTU..? The " State " of the Union is 10 to 15 % of Americans are unemployed, another 22% underemployed, and 8 % that have just given up looking and settled into the welcoming arms of government welfare...that is the TRUE state of the union, Mr president..!! The rest is all mere construction and obstrufication...
Excellent Hub POP...See you at the bar...looking forward to munching some of TaxLarry's artificial elk jerky..I wonder what kind of meat he DID use...Larry
Oh Breakfast Pop - this one had me in stitches!! Don't worry I aimed my tomatoes at the end (and made sure they were particulary smelly and offensive)
TO MAVEN101 - Mystery meat with artifical elk flavoring.
Good afternoon maven,
The thing is the President doesn't seem too upset about the real state of the union. Maybe he likes it this way. You can try taxlarry's phony elk. I'm having wings!
Good afternoon apricot,
I saw you lob those tomatoes and your aim was superb. Meet us at the bar later. I know you have an especially long trip, but it will be worth it. Taxlarry is bringing beef jerky that tastes like elk! I'm not having any.
Obama must be on the ropes. He is out trying to sell everything again. He couldn't get it down when he had a majority, how is he going to get it done now. So I think he is thinking a good offensive is better than a defense, so he has went on the offensive. Let's so how long it lasts.
Keep on hubbing!
I'm meeting you guys at the bar. Maybe the alcohol will dull the pain.
Dear eovery,
It's absurd when you stop and think about it. He had a majority, the Republicans were shut out and still no cigar. It's time to listen to the people.
Dear habee,
Great, can't wait to see you. I'll save you a seat.
Oh what a delight, I even LOL...so cute, loved your recipe and you are sooooo talented. Glad to have meet you on hubpages...
As I read this one, with the President telling everyone to rise and applaud, I remembered going to the taping of some TV shows and the applause signs we, the audience, had been told to watch and obey. I suppose Nancy Pelosi is his applause sign.
Dear sheila,
I actually hadn't even thought of the applause sign, believe it or not, when I wrote this. I guess Pelosi is his sign. I wish they would turn off the electricity!
Tom Whitworth Level 5 Commenter 2 years ago
Pop,
Does this mean we will be seeing milk and goat cheese breakfast recipes? We may have to steal some of the king's chickens as I have grown quite fond of your omelets. I'll meet you at the bar and we'll discuss strategy. I'm buying !!!!!!!!!!!!!