Acorn Squash and a Board Meeting
58The Paddy Wagon Awaits You
Good morning breakfastpoppers. Today is Wednesday, September 16, 2009. We have a rare opportunity this morning to observe an Executive Board meeting of the ACORN organization. The meeting is scheduled to begin at 9:00 a.m., so let's prepare a breakfast that we can bring to the meeting and share with the esteemed members of the Board. Today we will be preparing an acorn squash. You will need 1 cup mashed acorn squash, 1/3 cup soy milk, 1 teaspoon butter, 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon, 1/8 teaspoon nutmeg, a dash of salt and pepper, and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract.
Process all ingredients in a blender. Now pour mixture into a pan and add enough rolled oats to thicken blend. Heat until bubbly, let cool and let's head to the meeting.
Just for fun why don't we dress up like pimps and prostitutes. I'm sure this attempt at humor will delight the members in attendance.
9:00 a.m.- The meeting of the Executive Board of ACORN is now called to order. Will the Secretary please read the minutes?
9:05 a.m- Last week was a very busy week in terms of ACORN history. We made several cable news shows because a few of our offices showed how expert they are in giving advice to people in the community. Unfortunately, the mainstream media has yet to cover any of our events.
9:30 a.m- Okay then, I'd like to hear from the Prostitution Committee.
9:35 a.m- Madam Honeypie Rose addresses the group. I am happy to report , that as of this date, we have personally helped 160 prostitutes and their pimps to get home mortgages. With our help houses of prostitution, or what we call "rest homes" have been established in communities throughout the United States. We have yet to reach our goal of a "rest home" on every block, but we are working on it. With the advice we have supplied, 160 bank loan officers have succumbed to the wiles of the prostitutes, or should I say "applicants", and the loans were very easy to acquire.
10:00 a.m.- We would like to hear from the leader of the Tax Evasion committee, Mr. I.R.Stoopid.
10:15 a.m- Thus far, we have been very successful in spreading the word in our respective communities that paying taxes is for fools. We have been holding seminars on how not to pay and how to set up non-profit organizations. So far, we are personally responsible for helping to create 1,847 not-for-profit organizations and the profits from these enterprises have been outstanding. We also have established a side business that sells metal boxes that can be used to store money that is then buried in the backyard. This is in keeping with our motto, "Banks are good for one thing, hold-ups".
11:10 a.m- Moving along I would like to hear from the board member in charge of under-age prostitution and illegal immigration, Ms. Sleezy Noconscience.
11:15 a.m- Members of ACORN it is with great pride that I can report that as of this date we have successfully brought 1, 267 under-age girls into the country for purposes of prostitution. At first we were, as you know, just dispensing advice to those interested in this type of venture. Now, after observing just how profitable this kind of work is, ACORN has established an off-shoot business, aptly called "Tater Tots". Our profits are outstanding and the future looks very, very promising.
12:00 noon- I think we have covered a lot of ground this morning, but there is one more committee member we should hear from before we adjourn. Ms. Violet Votefraud, please give the committee an update on your area of responsibility, voter registration.
12:05 p.m- I am quite pleased to report that as of this date, we have successfully registered 1.6 million illegal aliens, 987,000 aliens from outer space, 2.3 million dead people, 987,653 million people from the U.K. whose identities we have stolen and 1.9 million dogs, cats and rabbits.
12:30 p.m- The meeting comes to a close and the applause from the ACORN board and all other interested parties is deafening.
We, on the other hand, the breakfastpoppers, feel a strong desire to return home and shower.
I'll never eat another Acorn again...POP...
Dear taxlarry,
You could dress up like a pimp, in fact that is what I had in mind! As for Gibson, he must have already retired, even though he is still on the air. Mentally he is out to sea.
What a mess this is...The ACORN's keep falling, and falling, and falling. Is anyone going to sweep them up before soneone slips?
Dearest POP,
I think you need to get in touch with taxlarry. There needs to be an investigation as to how ACORN is keeping it's tax exemption.
Pop,
Sir you are to be commended for your shorthand in not missing either concept or word.
In previous comments I have alluded to my desire to establish one of the “profit centers” as mentioned, but my attempts to this point have been squashed by the irritating moral values of my neighbors, potential customers, local public officials and a even a couple of District Attorneys citing rule of law. Particularly annoying has been the US Immigration Service whose backs are supposed to be turned given present policy and party advocacy, but they have thwarted smuggling attempts that do not have ACORN sanction. Please request an audience with these esteemed committee members on my behalf so that I may resolve these issues and begin franchising this incredible opportunity to others across the country. With unemployment numbers at astronomical levels marketing should be as easy as internet money making scams. I would also be interested to inquire if ACORN can provide free airplane tickets for these young unfortunate girls we are trying to help, by petitioning, propositioning or protesting the airlines bereavement policies, if it worked at the banks, why not try. Oh and I’m pretty sure I can talk these little darlings into becoming registered voters, so what if their only 12, how old were the rabbits?
Good stuff….your resourcefulness abounds…..I’m still laughing
POP:
Senator LeMieux, who replaced Senator Mel Martinez just a little over a week ago sends me his weekly update(first one received yesterday). Anyway, he voted to block any Federal dollars from going to ACORN because of their "questionable activities, including at least 30 cases of suspected voter fraud." Looks like Florida has at least one Senator with a brain.
Taxlarry, if you're going to be a prostitute, you need to shave your legs!
Hope you don't mind that I took an egg sandwich with me to the meeting instead of acorn squash....I'd like to see ACORN sue FOX News. One talking head mentioned that such a suit would allow us access to all kinds of ACORN records. 'Loving Every Minute Of It' (Loverboy).
Dear Bostonian Banter,
The Acorns may be falling but they are still on the ground. Let's hope Congress gets smart and sweeps them away for good!
Dear nobhlpc,
Great advice! I'll get on that immediately.
Dear readytoescape,
Clearly you have great potential for leadership with the ACORN organization. With all your varied areas of expertise these wing-nuts could learn a thing or two. I'll put in a good word for you and I'll do it immediately, because the train they've been riding is about to be derailed!
Dear Pino,
The evidence was just too damning for Congress to ignore. However 7 distinguished members still love Acorn and voted against investigating them. I hope taxlarry reads your very good advice. Why would he dress up as a prostitute and not a pimp?
Dear Hxprof,
The egg sandwich sounds good to me. The suit you mentioned is forthcoming and should be very interesting. Can't wait!
Dear taxlarry,
nobhlpc has suggested you look into Acorn's tax structure. Are you up to the task?
I am currently accepting contributions and endorsments via paypal. Once seated, as my campaign guarantee I will uproot all current community organizers and ship them to James A Watkins, Amerika as outlined in’ http://hubpages.com/hub/Partition-America
Might have a bit of a peek at some of those pesky voter numbers and religitimize the voting blocks too.
POP: Maybe taxlarry is just a nut!
Dear readytoescape,
Amerika does seem like the right place for Acorns. As to the "pesky" voter numbers, if you ever get to the bottom line and uncover if Acorn registrants are real and their votes legitimate, you deserve a Nobel Peace Prize.
Dear Pino,
Ouch!
Pop, I was dissapointed not hear a report from the ACORN auxilliary commitee. Both Ms. Doud and former President Carter are leading the defensive charge (based on the O.J. defence), all opposition is racism. Seems someone is showing desperation.
Yeah me and Walt Disney, smiles for millions and laughter for all of us purely derived from fanstasy
Dear tom,
Desperation fueled by ignorance. Ironically it's ignorance that is the root of racism. Former President Carter sees racists behind every bush.
Walt Disney created a world of fantasy. Obama's world has a real life component that is the stuff of horror movies.
POP:
If ever there would be a good nut, it would be taxlarry.
My comment was an attempt at humor.
Pop, as I best remember Carter was also attacked by a killer rabbit. Could there be a screw loose? Maybe a touch of PTSD from that life and death battle.
Pop,
You might tell Taxlarry that it would be worth his while to dress up as a pimp or prostitute, since he can take a tax deduction for the apparel necessary for his job! And by the way, don't use the word "prostitute" in your application, the term should be "performing artist".
Keep 'em coming pop. I love your writing style. I also was wondering exactly how ignorant Jimmy Carter is! I am SO TIRED of shouts of racism. I don't think anyone called Kanye West a racist when he stood on tv after hurricane Katrina and told all the world that "Bush doesn't care about black people" Now he was rude to Taylor Swift--it seems to me that Kanye is the racist. Sorry- I know that was a bit of an aside. I did want to say that BO called Kanye a "jackass" and that is only the 2nd thing (killing the pirates was the first) he's ever done that I actually liked.
Let's hope that as Fox stays on the story and we bloggers keep beating the drum, ACORN will be scorched by the sunlight exposing all their hidden secrets.
Keep 'em coming pop. I love your writing style. I also was wondering exactly how ignorant Jimmy Carter is! I am SO TIRED of shouts of racism. I don't think anyone called Kanye West a racist when he stood on tv after hurricane Katrina and told all the world that "Bush doesn't care about black people" Now he was rude to Taylor Swift--it seems to me that Kanye is the racist. Sorry- I know that was a bit of an aside. I did want to say that BO called Kanye a "jackass" and that is only the 2nd thing (killing the pirates was the first) he's ever done that I actually liked.
Let's hope that as Fox stays on the story and we bloggers keep beating the drum, ACORN will be scorched by the sunlight exposing all their hidden secrets.
Acorn puts me off my breakfast. Well done.
Dear Pino,
oops, I knew that. Just kidding, no worry. I really like him too!
Dear Tom,
I have to research that attack. Sounds like it might make a great grade B movie.
Dear francine 19,
Probably ta larry already knows about the deductions, but I prefer using the term "trapeze artist" on my application!
Dear Sheri,
Carter has a screw loose and has always had a screw loose. He loves our enemies and thinks everyone is a racist. Oh my, I just realized, Obama ought to make him the Czar of Truth. He is so qualified and here he was right under our nose the entire time.
Dear nicomp,
Try a little Alka Seltzer and thanks for the nice words.
More "nutty" behavior coming from ACORN tonight, but I will be watching Ghost Hunters! So I will have to read about it here tomorrow....Right?
Dear Texan,
We'll see. Something new and hideous breaking every second these days. As far as AC is concerned, the videos shown thus far tell the story. ACORN is a corrupt criminal network that needs to be investigated, disbanded and criminally charged.
But 7 Senators voted to keep funding them. how could they be criminal?
Dear Texan,
Exactly, 7 Senators want to keep funding Acorn. Let's investigate them! Supporting Acorn is almost like a confession of guilt.
LMAO Pop! It's nice to find some humor every now and then.
Dear rsmallory,
If you don't laugh, you cry...
Dear Tom,
Thanks for the link. This is the first time I heard this story. Wow..even the rabbits weren't crazy about Carter. The rabbit that went after him must have sensed that he was racist, and had a thing about bunnies.
Just remembered the UFO story. Hadn't heard the Roslyn ghost story.OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Tom,
Really incredible. Our former President saw killer rabbits and UFO's. Given his extensive experience with hard to believe phenomena ,if he says people who oppose the President are racists, maybe we should just believe him. OR, we could dismiss him as "one wild and crazy" guy.
I heard today that studies suggest racism is generic and not learned. Oh how this work. This gives everyone an excuse and no retaliation possible, because "I was born that way." Things are going to back fire on these loons if they keep it up.
Keep on Hubbing!
Dear eovery,
One can only hope that a giant "backfire" is in the works. The time is long past to play the race card. We have a black President..enough is enough. If you are black this has to be the greatest nation in the world to live in. Opportunity is everywhere and available to everyone.
Pop, Jimmy's instability may have been genetic. Brother Billy got caught up in ABSCAM by the FBI. He registered as an agent for Libya.
Sister Ruth Carter Stapleton (a preacher) saved Larry Flynts soul and made numerous comments in Hustler.
Dear Tom,
Heredity may account for 1 tenth of one tenth of one tenth. The bottom line is this. If you mean well you do well.
I have got a nice hub.
Thanks
taxlarry 2 years ago
I don'tlook good dressed as a prostitute. Anyway, glad we were able to sit in on the meeting. One person who should have been there was missing........Charlie Gibson of ABC news. Oh, wait...main stream media does not believe ACORN is a front for cheating and deceit and is a force behind Obumma's administration. How come only FOX news gets the message? BARTENDER....